March 21, 2011 On waiting for true love and boot camps…
And here are some of those thoughts on singleness…
Purity?
In college I went to what could best be described as a Purity Pep Rally. Scheduled around Valentine’s Day (of course), it encouraged teens and young adults to “stay pure until marriage”… most notably, it encouraged enrollment in a certain prominent Christian university too. If you grew up in Christian circles, you would’ve known what they meant. I certainly did.
“Don’t have sex until you’re married”.
The message was a clear challenge to all the virgins in the room to “keep it up” and outright depressing to those who had already “messed up”. I know I can sound somewhat cynical sometimes- and that’s difficult to control in writing- but I want to be clear: I do believe in purity. My critique is its’ definition and practical application (or lack thereof).
And note: I believe in purity before, during and after marriage. While Scripture does discuss and encourage virginity or celibacy before marriage, purity is not strictly defined as such. We have taken the term/concept and debased it to something that expires on the wedding day (the fact that we do think this shows our narrow definition of the term)– neglecting our call to pure speech, offering up a pure offering, Jesus’ call to be pure of heart, Paul’s encouragement towards pure thinking, and James’ definition of pure religion– none of which are explicitly about sexual intercourse [no pun intended]. My argument is that that view is horribly misleading, difficult and painful.
But it’s easier to teach what not to do sometimes than what to do… or why.
This is my main problem with all of this (of the many problems I have with it)– we’re told that true love waits and often the emphasis is on the “waiting”. Maybe we’re failing miserably at this because we haven’t defined “true”. Sure, we may give out facts about STD’s, the probabilities of broken relationships, and which teen celebrity is wearing that ring this week. But why wait for this “true” love???
In the barrage of passages about this subject, I refer to Colossians. Chapter 3, verse 2 states pretty clearly, “Set your minds on things that are above, not things that are on Earth”. Fine. However, we often neglect the previous sentence. “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God“.
That’s a big “if“.
If you’ve tried to live the Christian life, Colossians 3 is a spiritual boot camp. Boot camps’ focus on discipline can be harsh, abusive and punitive. Boot camps can also be taken for their original purpose– to train soldiers to work, live, and breathe a very different life– one that is no longer their own but lived for a greater purpose. I know we’ve taken the boot camp model out of place for the sake of teaching discipline but, even when successful out of their original context, they tend to create moralistic nazis that can be so self-righteous, it puts the rest of us to shame (Hi, my name is Ita and I was moralistic nazi).
Boot camp was originally entered into voluntarily because the person changed– they wanted to live for the greater cause. They knew (or thought they knew) what they’re getting into. There’s no “come to boot camp, we have cookies” offer.
That “if” at the beginning of Colossians 3 changes the game. “If you have been raised with Christ…” If you know the truth of the Gospel– that Christ, by His grace through no merit of your own, is your peace with the Father; that you were rebellious against God but Christ has a made a way to reconciliation. If you know this and willingly want to obey Him, even when its difficult (hi, purity), knowing that you can only live Colossians 3 as you walk in Christ, rooted and built up in Him, established in the faith and in knowledge and abounding in thanksgiving (see ch. 2)… then, and only then, can we talk about true love waiting.
Purity pep rallies or boot camps or what-have-you can convince anyone of anything for a bit. And rings can remind you of what you were once convinced of. But unless one is confronted with the beauty of the Gospel– that purity is desirable because Christ loved/s His bride (the church) so radically He gave up His life for her AND that purity is doable solely because He empowers and encourages us so sticking to Him [not just wearing a ring] is a must– unless we know this truth, purity is going to become a dreaded lifestyle we can’t wait to let go of on the day we say “I do”.
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- Posted under Perspectives, Single Solitary Things
